Cut
by BellatrixLunaRiddle
Summary: Bellatrix's twisted mind. Voldemort, wrongdoings, sisters, odd metaphors and blood. Rated M for descriptive self harm, and lots of blood, but nothing sexual. Trigger Warning- If this could cause you to self harm, do not read! Otherwise, read ahead. Enjoy!


A/N- This will be quite freaky, but I'm proud of it.

Also, If you self harm, please remember this comes with a trigger warning- please don't read this if it might trigger any self loathing or suicidal feelings!

By the way, this is free verse (poetry with no rhyme, rhythm, pattern etc...)

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter... obviously...

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The blood ran off the edge of the blade like my emotions ran from my being.  
>I hate myself.<br>I hate him.  
>I hate what he does to me.<br>Yet I let him do it.  
>And why?<br>Because I love him.  
>I love the man who tortures my soul.<br>He can't love me.  
>I'd do anything.<br>Anything.  
>But he won't ever care for me.<br>Lord Voldemort.

And I watch the blood fall,  
>Pour from my arms.<br>I slash at them,  
>Again, and again, AND AGAIN!<p>

The red river runs deep,  
>Deep into the white bed sheets,<br>Staining them!  
>Making them beautiful!<br>Making them clean.

My blood is pure.  
>I hate to waste it.<br>I hate to ruin it.  
>But my body will make more blood,<br>And now everything around me can have my blood too!  
>My pure, perfect blood.<p>

Perfect?  
>The blood may be, but not me.<br>I cause pain.  
>I can't help it,<br>It just happens.  
>People say I'm Bipolar,<br>Schizophrenic,  
>A freak.<br>That's all I am.  
>A freak.<p>

Narcissa says I'm lovely,  
>Beautiful,<br>Funny,  
>Clever.<br>But what does she know?  
>She may know me better than them,<br>But she's one voice,  
>Amongst many.<p>

I bleed to know I'm alive,  
>I kill to know I'm strong,<br>I cry to know I feel,  
>I love, because I'm wrong.<p>

Wrong,  
>In his eyes,<br>He thinks I am strong,  
>But love makes me weak.<p>

Wrong,  
>in their eyes,<br>Wherever I go, they stare.  
>I hear them laughing behind my back,<br>I know they're talking about how they loathe me.  
>Bellatrix Lestrange.<br>Freak.  
>Murderer.<br>Bitch.

Sometimes I wish they understood.  
>Everything.<br>But they can't.  
>Nobody can.<br>Nobody will.

The one person I could trust with my life left me,  
>Abandoned my family,<br>Married a muggle born.  
>Oh, Andromeda!<br>If you could see me now!  
>What I've become!<br>You would hurt too.

Sometimes I realise you chose best.  
>It makes me angry.<br>Sad.  
>Jealous?<br>I can tell Narcissa knows.  
>She wishes she was like you, sister.<p>

But I thought I was right.  
>All along.<br>So I'll keep believing I was right,  
>Even though I doubt my beliefs.<br>I'll fight to be the best,  
>His highest lieutenant,<br>His favourite.

And as my thoughts become blurry and muddled,  
>So do the cuts on my arms,<br>My stomach,  
>My legs.<p>

Crisscrossed, and zigzagged, and swirling, and straight,  
>Spreading across me,<br>The blood consuming me,  
>Where is the skin to cut?<br>I can't see beneath the sea!  
>The blood could drown me!<br>It could seep through my skin and infect me!

Suddenly my pure blood doesn't seem so holy.  
>It is evil, like me.<br>It is all-powerful, like him.  
>It is deep, like the ice I fall through everyday.<br>His ice,  
>Like on a lake.<br>He traps me within his coldness.  
>Alone?<br>Isolated?

The blood is alone, as well.  
>Nothing can match it's beauty.<br>The sheets of the double bed never looked better.

As a child, I'd often wondered who would care if I cut.  
>Andromeda?<br>Narcissa, maybe?  
>As an adult, I don't need to wonder.<br>The only person to notice would be Rodolphus.  
>He wouldn't care.<br>He treats me like dirt.

Dirt off the bottom of a shoe,  
>Trodden on,<br>Destroyed,  
>Mutilated,<br>Until my mind will be a jumble of emotions,  
>A confused mess,<br>And my body will be crushed.

The pain is unbearable.  
>Maybe I deserve it?<br>I caused others pain,  
>But they were worth it...<br>Weren't they?  
>The Dark Lord believed so.<br>He is ALWAYS right.

Some muggles speak of a God.  
>My master is my God.<br>I shall go to heaven, and be with him,  
>Or I shall go to hell, and lie cold on his floor.<br>Either way, I would be happy to have served him.

Like my blood served me.  
>It served me well.<br>But it's destiny was not for my body.  
>It was born to cry.<p>

People are often born to cry,  
>It's a game of chance-<br>Which family will a soul go to?  
>A loving one?<br>A hateful one?  
>A pureblood one?<br>A muggle one?

In my mind I've questioned our rights,  
>To destroy the lives of people who didn't choose to be born as they are,<br>But questioning the Dark Lord must be punished.  
>People like the traitor Severus must be punished,<br>For I am sure he's not one of us!  
>And now I must punish myself.<p>

The cold blade pressed to my skin,  
>The scraping of pulling it around,<br>Twisting,  
>Slicing,<br>Bleeding.  
>Until a word,<br>A word which describes my life,  
>Just one word,<br>Is carved into my flesh-

"Why?"

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A/N- Reviews, please! Or else Lord Voldemort will feed me to Nagini!


End file.
